The Narratives – Mohamed Miah

Mohamed Miah | The Narratives

A Misleading Word for a Violent Reality

We call it “domestic abuse” — but there’s nothing domestic about it.

That word almost makes it sound like a private household issue, something that belongs behind closed doors. It hides the truth: this is violence. It’s psychological warfare that destroys souls, generations, and families.

Language has power. When you soften the word, you soften the accountability.

There’s nothing “homey” or “routine” about someone who uses fear, rage, or control to dominate another human being. It’s time the terminology changed.

Call it what it is — intimate violence, emotional imprisonment, human cruelty — anything but domestic.

Control, Rage, and Insecurity — Mental Health, Not Personality

Controlling behaviour, violent temper, jealousy, rage — these aren’t “bad habits” or “difficult personalities.” They are mental health disorders that often go untreated and unchallenged.

Too many people hide behind culture, masculinity, or emotional trauma to justify their outbursts. But the truth is simple: no one has the right to terrorise another person — not emotionally, not physically, not spiritually.

Those with violent or obsessive tendencies need help and intervention, not excuses.

They should be identified early, reported, and supported through therapy and accountability before they destroy homes and lives.

We need systems — schools, workplaces, communities — that don’t just react to abuse, but prevent it by recognising unhealthy behaviour patterns early.

Parenting: The Forgotten Duty

A big part of this problem begins with how we raise our children.

In the West, too many parents let go too early.

At 16, 18, or 20, they say, “You’re an adult now, live your life.” But that’s when guidance is most needed.

A young person may be legally grown, but emotionally and spiritually, they’re still forming.

They need boundaries, conversations, and the constant reassurance that their parents are still watching out for them.

Islam captures this perfectly — parents never retire from their role.

They remain guides, mentors, and moral compasses even after their children marry or move out.

I believe parents should have an active role in their children’s lives until at least their mid-thirties. Not to control them — but to protect, advise, and stabilise them while they navigate adulthood’s chaos.

The Illusion of Independence

Modern society sells independence like it’s the ultimate goal.

But moving out young, juggling bills, careers, relationships, and personal struggles — it’s too much. It overwhelms the mind and weakens emotional stability.

People end up depressed, isolated, and spiritually hollow.

They chase material comfort but lose their emotional foundation.

Islam’s structure — family, marriage, unity — was designed to protect the soul from that emptiness. Living with family longer isn’t weakness; it’s wisdom. It allows maturity, patience, and gratitude to grow in a safe environment.

Social Media, Dating Apps, and the New Age of Deception

Today’s world has normalised lust, jealousy, and deceit.

People are being catfished, gaslighted, manipulated, and even murdered — all born from the illusion of connection created by social media and dating apps.

These platforms are not love — they are marketplaces of loneliness.

They feed ego and insecurity, not commitment and care.

If governments want to allow these platforms, then digital and national identification should be mandatory. These spaces should be policed with the same seriousness as financial fraud or cybercrime. Too many people — especially women — are being harmed by predators who hide behind anonymity.

But more than that, parents must parent again.

We’ve lost the balance between kindness and authority. Children need both — love and discipline — not friendship disguised as parenting.

Absent Parents — The Real Epidemic

The other side of the coin is absentee parenting — a growing disease in the West.

Too many parents simply walk away. They vanish from their children’s lives and let the state, the schools, or grandparents raise them.

Some do it because of hardship.

But many — far too many — do it because of selfishness and lust.

They chase new relationships, attention, and comfort, leaving behind a trail of emotional carnage.

They tell themselves they “deserve happiness” — but what about the children they left crying behind closed doors?

When Lust Becomes Cowardice

Let’s call it what it is: cowardice.

Running away from your family to chase lust isn’t courage — it’s betrayal.

We live in an age where lust is glorified as “self-love.” People say, “I had to do what’s best for me.” But abandoning your children for pleasure isn’t what’s best — it’s sin.

Children are left with shame and confusion they never asked for:

“Why wasn’t I enough?”

“Why did my father choose her over us?”

“Why did my mother leave?”

That pain doesn’t fade. It grows quietly, shaping how they love, how they trust, and how they see themselves.

The worst part is the embarrassment.

The child bears the weight of whispers, gossip, and pity from others. They learn to laugh louder or stay silent longer — just to cover the ache.

Islam’s Framework: Accountability and Mercy

In Islam, a parent who neglects their duty — emotionally or financially — commits a grave sin.

It’s not optional to raise, love, and support your children; it’s an amanah — a sacred trust from Allah.

“It is enough sin for a man that he neglects those whom he is responsible for.” (Sunan Abu Dawud)

Even after divorce, the duty remains. Parenthood doesn’t expire when relationships do.

A true believer knows that the Day of Judgement will hold them accountable for the tears of their children — and no excuse of “I wasn’t happy” will save them.

The Framework We Need

If the West truly wants to heal broken families, there needs to be both legal and moral accountability.

Financial responsibility should extend beyond age 18 — until children can stand on their own feet. Emotional responsibility should be recognised too — parents must be expected to maintain contact, communication, and involvement unless proven unsafe. Community partnership between mosques, churches, and local authorities can help mediate and rehabilitate, not just punish.

No child should ever have to ask why one parent disappeared.

The Psychological Cost

Every neglected child becomes an adult trying to fill a hole in their heart.

And when too many wounded adults raise the next generation, the illness multiplies. That’s the real pandemic of the modern world — the absence of love disguised as freedom.

When the family collapses, society collapses.

When fathers disappear, sons lose discipline.

When mothers give up, daughters lose identity.

And when both vanish, the home becomes an orphanage of pain.

The Lost Balance

The West has forgotten balance — between freedom and duty, love and discipline, faith and reason.

Parenting today has become reactive instead of proactive. We wait for disaster before we intervene.

Islam, however, always emphasised prevention before cure.

It teaches self-restraint, empathy, and structure — not as restrictions, but as shields.

Because every rule in faith is there to protect, not to punish.

Final Reflection

There’s nothing domestic about abuse.

There’s nothing liberating about lust.

There’s nothing progressive about abandoning your children.

The modern world has mistaken freedom for faithlessness and self-expression for selfishness.

What we need now isn’t more rights or slogans — it’s a return to responsibility, respect, and rootedness.

No child should suffer because adults refuse to grow up.

And no society will heal until family, faith, and accountability return to the centre of life — where they belong.

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© Mohamed Miah | The Narratives