The Narratives – Mohamed Miah

Write about your most epic baking or cooking fail.

Let me take you on a journey through some of my most memorable culinary disasters. You see, cooking and I haven’t always had the most harmonious relationship. In fact, we were more like frenemies for a good while. But, like with any great saga, there’s growth, redemption, and in my case… a lot less smoke alarms.

The Turkey Tragedy

Picture this: me, ambitiously attempting to cook a turkey the “Western way” one festive season. Now, I don’t know about you, but where I come from, we don’t really do the whole turkey roasting extravaganza. But hey, I thought I’d give it a shot—after all, how hard could it be?

Turns out, pretty hard.

Instead of a golden-brown, succulent bird that would make even Gordon Ramsay proud, what I got was a turkey boiled in its own juices. Yes, you read that right. It was like I’d slow-cooked a large, sad chicken in a bath of tears. I’d somehow managed to turn my oven into a giant cauldron, and the turkey? Well, it was unrecognisable. To this day, I’m convinced even gravy wouldn’t have saved it. Lesson learned: always read the instructions properly and avoid turning your festive meal into a soup.

The BBQ Blunders

Next up, let’s talk about my legendary barbecue phase, or as I like to call it, “The Charcoal Chronicles.”

Early on, I was firmly under the impression that a good BBQ was supposed to involve flames that could be seen from space and food that resembled charred remains. You know that feeling when you bite into a sausage, and it’s so rock-hard you briefly consider contacting your dentist? Yeah, that was every BBQ I ever hosted. People would try to hide the look of despair as they gnawed on their hockey-puck burgers. I thought I was nailing it. After all, fire = cooked, right?

Wrong.

Eventually, I discovered that barbecuing is more about finesse than firepower, and it doesn’t involve burning everything to a crisp. Turns out, the goal is to cook the food, not incinerate it. Who knew?

The Omelette Odyssey

Let’s not forget my old nemesis: the cheese omelette. You’d think something as simple as eggs and cheese wouldn’t pose much of a challenge. But no. I was on a mission to create a signature dish that was half omelette, half ash.

Every time I attempted it, I’d get distracted—maybe a YouTube video here, maybe an email there—and I’d return to the kitchen to find my once-promising omelette had become a solid, blackened disk. More cheese coal than cheese omelette. In fact, I could have probably patented it as a new building material!

But after several trial-and-error sessions, I realised something profound: patience is a virtue in cooking. And also, watching the pan helps.

The Turning Point: Taste and Time

Through all these mishaps, I’ve learned that cooking isn’t just about throwing things together and hoping for the best. It’s about patience, chemistry (not the Breaking Bad kind), and tasting as you go. I eventually started to realise that maybe, just maybe, food shouldn’t taste like charcoal. Slowly but surely, I improved, and nowadays I can whip up a meal that people actually enjoy. Maybe.

If you don’t believe me, just take a look at some of my recent food photos on my website—there’s proof I’ve come a long way since the Turkey Tragedy.

So, if you’re currently setting off the smoke alarms every time you enter the kitchen, take heart! There’s hope for all of us, even if you’ve scorched more than your fair share of omelettes and BBQ chicken. Trust me, we’re all just one taste away from greatness.